Kept in Memory
by sirius ordo
Summary: Everyone has different reasons for keeping various items and Major Zane Nighthawk isn't any different. What follows is how he acquired his assault cannon and his angsty reasons for continuing to use it when newer models are available.


_**A/N: This is for the prompt "Weapons." Not exactly sure where I saw it now but that got me to thinking. The plot bunny struck and this story was born**_

 _ **My first character is Major Zane Starwarrior. He's also my first trooper. He still carries his A-405 Wraith Projector, one of the first mod-able blaster cannons he acquired. It has a very clean look that I love. I've had people comment that I need to upgrade his weapon to a bigger, fancier cannon. I always tell them the same thing, no thanks.**_

 _ **I'm well aware that when a trooper is first created they receive a blaster rifle. Later, after picking a specialty they receive a blaster cannon. I'm taking a little creative license. This fits so much better! Let me know what you think.**_

 _ **What follows is Zane's reasoning for keeping his blaster cannon…**_

 **Kept in Memory**

We had just returned to the Republic Fleet after completing the mission on Ziost. The operation had been screwed from the beginning and ended in disaster for a lot of people. Watching the wave of death sweep across the planet and hearing the soldiers screams for help on the comms, knowing there was nothing we could do to save them from the death literally sweeping their way was hard, even painful. It also brought to the surface, memories of other comrade-in-arms lost in this long, drawn out war with the Empire.

"What was that about?" Aric asked, as we sat back in the cantina on Carrick station with a drink.

"Nothing," I reply, running my hands through my hair, "Weapons vendor did not know when to leave well enough alone."

We had been walking along the promenade just browsing at the new items in the shops, when one particularly persistent Rodian vendor approached me.

"You should really consider upgrading that assault cannon Major," said the vendor, eyeing the cannon strapped to my back.

"No thanks," I said, "I'm good," as I started walking away.

Stepping in front of me, "We've got the latest Tri Tech Cannon," he started. I tried to step around him and he cut me off again, continuing, "It's got all the latest bells and whistles."

I'd had enough. Using my much larger and bulkier frame, I leaned over the much smaller Rodian, invading his personal space, "What don't you understand about no?" I asked. "Leave it."

The vendor drew back in alarm. Raising his arms in defense, he stepped away, cowering. "No offense Major. No offense."

I started to walk away but stopped and shouted back to my XO, who was still looking at some of the weaponry, "I'm out of here. I'll see you in the cantina."

"I'll be there in ten, sir," he answered, as he handed a blaster back to a human behind the counter.

Nodding I walked out and didn't look back. I made my way straight to the cantina and ordered an ale. When the bartender sat it down in front of me, I picked it up and went to find a table in a dark corner and wait for the Cathar to join me.

With a grin, Aric said, "I saw what happened. I think he almost wet himself when you loomed over him."

"I don't 'loom'," I countered, leaning back in my seat.

"Oh yeah…you do!"

I'll admit I am a large man. I'm 6'5" (1.98m) and after years of hefting a blaster cannon I'm solid muscle. My size is an asset in the military and on the battle field but sometimes I forget just how much my size, particularly in armor, can intimidate a civilian.

"Well, I didn't mean too," I tried instead and then taking a swallow from my mug.

"Yeah you did sir," Aric was nearly laughing at me now.

We've come a long way from the angry, brooding Cathar on Ord Mantell that just had his career torpedoed out from under him. Now he's a Captain, my executive officer, the person I trust most to have my back and my best friend.

"What did he do to you?" my XO asked.

"He wanted to sell me a new blaster cannon."

"That one is getting old," Aric said. "There's new and better tech out all the time."

"I keep it up-to-date with all the newest and best mods. You know that," I argue.

"You do," he allowed, leaning back in his chair as he thought about it. "I'm not sure I've ever seen you with a different one."

"You haven't," I admit, taking another fortifying sip. I knew where this conversation was heading. "I had it before I joined Havoc squad."

"What's the story?" he asks.

"It's special to me," I reply softly. A sad, haunted look came over my face. A look all soldiers that have seen bloody combat sometimes wear.

Knowing the look and troubled by his own memories, Aric starts to wave me off, "You don't have to sir. Just let it be."

"No, it's fine," I respond, "just give me a sec." I take another gulp of ale and raise the empty mug, indicating for the bartender to bring me another. When he sets it in front of me, I chug some back, set the glass down and wipe my mouth.

"Rhen and I went through Academy training together," I started. "We were best buddies from the start, always together, always had the other's back. After we graduated we were even assigned to the same squad."

Aric sat silently, waiting for me to continue.

"We saw action almost immediately," I said, "On worlds like Dakk, Samaria and Balanor."

"I've heard of Balanor," my squad mate said, "Tropical planet. Rumor is those battles were hell."

"You heard right," I allowed. I couldn't help remembering the snipers that loved to hide in the huge moss covered trees and pick us off when we were on patrol or the fracking bugs that got into everything, including our rations. Not to mention the temperatures so hot and humid during the day it felt like we'd boil in our armor.

"We always had each's others backs, only thing that saved our asses."

Curious, Aric asked, "Where's Rhen now?"

"Dead," I answer; my tone flat, my eyes distant.

"I'm sorry sir," my XO said.

I snap back and wave off the apology, "Don't worry about it you didn't know."

We both sit quietly for a few minutes, lost in our own memories and of buddies lost in this protracted war. We had each outlived numerous comrades, seen things and done things that we sometimes rather not think about, let alone talk about. War leaves its mark on the survivors too.

I waved off a waitress that asked if we were ready for refills on our drinks, as Aric finally asked, "Where did it happen?"

"At the Battle on Altyr," I replied, motioning to the scar on my right eye. It ran from just above my right eyebrow, across my eye and came to an end just below my eye on the right cheekbone, "Same time I got this."

Before he asked, I explained how I got the scar, "Let an Imperial scum get to close to my face with a vibroblade."

"Doesn't sound like you," my XO said with a smile, "You usually gun them down before they get that close!"

I smirk, he was right of course! As a rule, I don't let them get that close. The cannon worked better when you kept your targets further away from you. I explain, "During the battle for Altyr, we were getting overrun and a group of soldiers were down and cut off."

"The orders came to fall back," I tell him and look away for a second. The memories of that day were still something I didn't care to think about. "I wasn't leaving them behind to die!" and take a swallow of ale to dull the pain of the memories.

"Now that sounds like you." My XO is familiar with my tendency to ignore orders I don't agree with.

"Rhen and I grabbed a couple of our squad mates and led a charge to rescue the men. The fighting was fierce but we managed to get there. I stood guard as the down soldiers were evac'd out, Rhen at my back as always." I stopped for a minute, lost in the blood of memories overwhelming me.

The Cathar prompted, "What happened next, sir?"

I fiddled with the mug on table, hands unable to sit still. "Just as we were pulling out ourselves the Imperials charged. We were nearly surrounded and almost overwhelmed." My left leg started jiggling under the table and I continued pushing the mug around on the table. "Imperials mounted a charge. Took out the first with my blaster cannon but the second one got a couple shots off first, before I blasted him." I absent mindedly started rubbing my chest. "That gave the last two Imperials time to get close. The shorter one fired off a couple of shots with his blaster," I stopped speaking, my shoulder aching.

'Gods, when did it start hurting again,' I think, as I rub it, Aric watching my every move.

"After I knocked the gun away and took care of him, the taller guy was on me with the vibroblade. Sliced me up good before I could take care of him," I said, touching my eye and the scar running across it.

"Where was Rhen during all this?"

My breath was knocked out of me as the question caused a tidal wave of emotion to hit me. I took a few shuddering breaths, trying to regain control. "Never saw the pair behind me," I managed to get past my closed throat. Closing my eyes, I wage war over my rampaging emotions. Finally I manage to continue, "Rhen stepped between them and me. He got them, killed them but it wasn't enough." I clench my fists on the table, "He took the blows meant for me. I should be dead, not Rhen!"

"He was doing his job sir," Aric says softly, from his spot across the table, "his duty."

"Doesn't make it easier."

"No, it never does. Nothing does."

We finally wave the Twilek waitress over and she brought us refills before I continue my story.

"I held him as he bled out," I said, eyes distant again, lost on a faraway battle field. "I passed out with his dead body in my arms. Figured I'd join him in the next life pretty quick."

"Instead?" Aric prompted when I got quiet.

"Instead, I was evac'd to a rear base and quickly transported out to a class one medical facility. I was a mess. They patched me up and dunked me into a kolto tank. I spent weeks in there and even more time in the medbay after they woke me up."

A knowing look passes over the Cathar's face.

"By the time I woke up, Rhen's body had been released to his family," I continued, "They had no choice but to bury him before I woke up. I couldn't even go to the funeral to give my condolences."

"Fuck," Aric said.

"Yeah," I agreed. I leaned my head on the back of the booth and closed my eyes. "Rhen left me his blaster cannon. His brother gave it to me when I was well enough to leave the medial facility." Sitting up again, I look at Aric, "When I use it in combat, it's like having a piece of Rhen with me, fighting with me, watching my back like always, you understand?"

"Yes sir I do," my squad mate replied softly, his own eyes growing distant as he drifted away in his own recollections.

We each sat quietly for a time, remembering battles won and lost, the things we had done and seen. The planets we had traveled too, some of them gone now too. And of course we thought of our comrades, our battle buddies. Some of them just drifting away as friends do but others torn from us in battle, most having died way too young.

Breaking the melancholy, Aric raised his mug in the air and said, "For our comrades lost!"

"For the Republic!" I add, tapping my mug against his and taking a drink.

Tipping his mug back, Aric drinks it all, finishing it off and pounding it down on the table. He wipes the back of his hand across his mouth and leans back in his seat.

"Next time you need some mods for it," my XO said, indicating my cannon, "Let me know. I know a guy that always has the hottest stuff on the market."

Finally smiling again, I answer, "Will do."

A/N: Bittersweet, I know. Reviews please.


End file.
